thoughts on my recent struggles

for probably the past six months or so, i have been struggling with disordered eating in one capacity or another. not like i did years ago, but enough for the snowball effect to take place and the instability to cause a lot of uncomfortable things in my life despite my every effort to ward it off. as i have said before, i think this was entirely due to my former job at mcdonald's. although i loved it for what it was, i can't believe i actually allowed myself to stick with it after i had clear signs that it was making me sick again. i was to the point of having to stop working altogether. and, what is worse is that i believed it was something wrong with ME. and that i couldn't handle stress. i know that i can handle a great deal of stress, but not INHUMANE stress. the adjustment to the new job was very hard also, at a time when i was having difficulty even going out in public. yeah. that bad. but i think things happen for a reason.

i've settled into the new job quite nicely i think. i may be transferring to a different section of walmart but for the purposes of this entry, i am only now able to notice just how much better i am mentally and emotionally. still in the process of recooping lost progress, and still having issues with the disordered eating, but i'm in the swing of managing it. and i see how close i was to being ill again.

the point of this? i just have been introspective today about how much i love wes. he has been my hero, even when it has been unpleasant: leaving me notes in the mornings before i went to work (saying everything was going to be ok), letting me call him at work if i was upset, instituting a food routine and a sleep routine, and above all else making me laugh no matter what. i love him and he is my everything.

update: wes says he would much rather have his ranch dressing that i forgot to buy the other day when i went grocery shopping than a blog thanking him for loving me. :D

i'm glad to be closer to being on the right foot again.